Self-reflection and checking on others are powerful acts. Think of all the men in your life, your dad, your brother, your co-workers, your friends. When was the last time you asked one of them how they were really going, where you meant it, and waited for an honest answer instead of a quick “good” and a walk-away?

Because those conversations have the potential to save a life, Men’s Mental Health Week is the perfect time to start talking about mental health. Your conversations and actions can start the process. All it takes is a conversation.

The statistics

In Australia, men are three times as likely to die by suicide as women. That is a crisis. Men are also more likely to struggle in silence because they are less likely to ask for help.

In society, men are expected to be strong and stoic. While this is a common belief, it costs lives. That needs to change.

How poor mental health manifests in men

It is a common misconception that poor mental health equates to sadness. Mental health is far more complicated than that.

There are a number of ways mental illnesses are expressed in men. These include, but are not limited to, rage and irritability, social withdrawal, excessive alcohol use, overworking, increased risk-taking, disrupted sleep, and the loss of interest in hobbies and things they once enjoyed.

These signs may appear on their own or in combination. Challenges like these are not unbeatable. If you are willing to reach out, the community around you, including our practice, is here to support you.

Stress and anxiety are not signs of weakness

Every man faces stress and difficult challenges at some point in life. Work pressure, relationship strain, raising children- we’re not exempt from these.

There is a persistent belief that men cannot experience anxiety, which is reflected in how counselling has historically approached men’s mental health. Many men do suffer from anxiety, yet that is still too often overlooked in clinical settings.

When feelings go unexpressed, they do not disappear. They build. Unspoken anxiety seeps into your sleep, your health, and your relationships. The best way to push back against it is to simply start talking.

What will you achieve by talking

There is a significant gap in understanding why men have such a high suicide rate. What we do know is that men talking to each other, and having the strength to reach out when things are hard, can make a difference.

Talking makes hard feelings easier to carry. Saying something out loud reminds you that you’re not stuck inside your own head. They help build a connection with the person listening. They also create space for that person to share whatever they are carrying.

There is no expectation that you have all the answers or that you engage in a lengthy conversation. You can make a phone call, meet for a walk, ask to join for coffee, or send a text that says, “I’ve been doing it a bit tough lately.”

That is a great way to start.

Checking in on a mate

Men typically do not need to be forced into talking about their feelings. Most of the time, they appreciate that you brought it up. We all have conversations that feel a little uncomfortable. Here is how to make it feel less forced.

Choose a low-pressure setting. A drive, a walk, or sitting side by side watching the footy. Being engaged in an activity together creates a natural distraction and takes the pressure off the conversation.

Ask a real question. Skip the usual “how are you going?” Try something like “You’ve been looking a bit more tired than usual lately, is everything alright?” or “You’ve had a lot on this past month. How are you feeling right now?”.

Listen without jumping in to fix things. Being present matters more than any advice you could offer. Your friend’s feelings are valid, and dismissing them, even unintentionally, can shut the conversation down.

Follow up. Don’t disengage just because someone opened up. A good friend checks back in. A message a few days later means more than people realise.

Make time to check in on yourself

Being supportive and caring for everyone around you can quietly turn into neglecting yourself. Remember, you can only keep showing up for others if you are also taking care of yourself.

Take a moment to reflect on the past week or two. Did you snap at the people you love? Did you lose sleep? Did you stop doing things you enjoy? Did you just go through the motions?

If even one of those sounds like you, it might be something to pay attention to. Lean on trusted friends, loved ones, or a therapist. There is no “right” reason and no “right” time to ask for help. The fact that you feel the need to reach out is reason enough.

Breaking the stigma starts with talking about it

Unfortunately, we can’t eliminate the stigma surrounding men’s mental health with a single campaign or one week of awareness. The stigma is present in the millions of everyday conversations that happen over time.

It starts when a dad tells his son that it is okay to cry. When a co-worker shares that he is having a tough time and no one treats it as out of the ordinary. When mates go beyond sport and weather and talk about real things.

The cumulative effect of those moments can give someone the momentum they need to keep going.

You are making more of a difference than you realise. The way you respond when someone opens up tells them exactly how safe it is to do so.

When to seek more than just a good talk

A good conversation with a mate is often the first step. But sometimes more support is needed, and that is completely okay.

If you are experiencing ongoing anxiety, depression, or thoughts of self-harm, please reach out to a health professional. Your GP is a great place to start. They can refer you to a psychologist and help you access support.

If you or someone you know needs support, Beyond Blue is available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636. Lifeline is available on 13 11 14.

Reaching out is never a sign of defeat. It is the most practical thing you can do when something is not working.

Make the call

Men’s Mental Health Week is about doing something, not just raising awareness.

Reach out to a friend or family member you have not spoken to in a while. Check in on the men in your life. And if you are the one who needs support, do not wait until things get harder. Asking for help doesn’t mean things have to be falling apart first.

At our Melbourne practice, we work with men and boys in a confidential, judgement-free space. You do not need to have it all figured out before you call. That is exactly what we are here for.